Inept

who has too many thoughts

105 notes

Anonymous asked: slightly off-topic (hope you're not stressed from what the last anon sent) but since there's inherently an element of coercion in bdsm, can some people/couples opt out of using safe words and establishing limits? is there a subcategory in the bdsm community that permits that?

latining:

pervocracy:

I don’t agree that there is inherently an element of coercion.  There can be an agreed degree of play-coercion, but there can also be BDSM where nothing whatsoever is coercive.  If I say “hit me” and my boyfriend says “sure,” there’s no coercion element there, any more than if I said “give me a backrub” and he said “sure.”  (If I say “hold me down and hit me,” that would be more sort of coercive-y, although even then, it’s still something we discussed and that I can end.)

"Opting out" of establishing limits is a terrible idea.  Because what most people who say that are thinking is "no limits, but obviously they wouldn’t do something really unacceptable and no fun for me, like cut all my hair off and replace it with an elaborate tattoo of an eggplant.”

Whatever your idea of “well, obviously we wouldn’t do that” is, that is your limit and things will be less eggplanty (or other, less humorous but likelier and equally unwanted things) if you establish it, and/or if you can safeword when you see them getting the clippers and purple tattoo ink.

I do get the sexual appeal of “there’s no getting off this rollercoaster,” but playing without limits doesn’t always take you to “I couldn’t ask for this but I wanted it.”  Sometimes it’s a direct train to “I actually didn’t want this at all.”

Yes, there are subcultures that glamorize the idea of doing stuff without limits and safewords.  I’m not referring you to any.  They’re incredibly awful and dangerous.

The group in my area argues that BDSM must contain coercion for it to be sexy.

I ran screaming.

It’s things like that which remind one that BDSM culture is a product of the surrounding culture, despite the niche interests. Sigh.

On the bright side, perhaps as we get a more functioning distinction between seduction and coersion in, eg, romance movies, we can hope to see less of that crap in the link world? And vice verse. Contagious consent!

135,153 notes

winged:

babycuts:

thattallsummonerguy:


acid candy pop victorian

We have tons of these kinda houses in my town and the are just really awesome, the houses are actually classified as “Painted Ladies” and the are probably some of the best examples of Asymmetrical, non linear architecture ever created


Painted Ladies are the best. There are a bunch all over Buffalo where my parents live, and they make me miss San Francisco and that area.

winged:

babycuts:

thattallsummonerguy:

acid candy pop victorian

We have tons of these kinda houses in my town and the are just really awesome, the houses are actually classified as “Painted Ladies” and the are probably some of the best examples of Asymmetrical, non linear architecture ever created

Painted Ladies are the best. There are a bunch all over Buffalo where my parents live, and they make me miss San Francisco and that area.

(Source: galacticmimi, via kayloulee)

12 notes

ineptshieldmaid:

cheeseandvegemite:

the new york times attempts to teach the world about australian’s obsession with breakfast

and i don’t even know where to begin!

New York is a city of immigrants and their unofficial embassies offering a taste of home: the French bistro, the English pub, the California juice bar.

Add to that list the Australian cafe. What started as an expedition a few years ago has become an invasion, with four cafes opening in New York since the fall: Little Collins (named for a street in Melbourne), Brunswick (also named for a street in Melbourne), Bluestone Lane (named for the paving stones on a street in Melbourne) and Two Hands (named for a Heath Ledger film). Another Brunswick location is to open next month. They join Toby’s Estate, an Australian company that opened a cafe in Brooklyn in 2012.

let me get this out of the way first: the people that named these cafes are douche bags. bluestone lane is fine, but the rest? wow. why not open a cafe called bushwick. oh. wait. let’s move on.

That Australians have anything to teach Americans about coffee culture may come as a surprise to casual drinkers. But those who nerd out on coffee know that Australia — Melbourne in particular — has a dynamic and professional coffee scene.

it’s a surprise to anyone who didn’t watch that time oprah came to australia. actually it might come as a surprise to them too, given the mccafe weirdness. but seriously, anyone who googles melbourne tourist attractions will find something mentioning melbourne’s coffee scene. tell me people don’t know anything about australia, sure, but don’t tell me people who do know about australia don’t know about our coffee scene.

we’re really proud of our coffee scene!

so it’s amusing to see a couple of hundred words distill a common theme from five cafes that are, the article seems to be implying, trying to distill a common theme from melbourne’s cafe scene.

and that’s where this article first goes awry. 

But those who nerd out on coffee know that Australia — Melbourne in particular — has a dynamic and professional coffee scene.

it’s not melbourne in particular. it’s melbourne, full stop.  australians love cafes. melburnians love coffee. but okay, let’s roll with that.

For one, the cafes offer table service, with a waiter bringing your drink. Then there is food, usually simple, fresh, satisfying egg dishes and salads with close attention paid to the details, just as it’s done in Australia.

table… service…? simple… fresh…?

friends, i’ve been to new york. i ate in a lot of places in new york. i ate breakfast in new york. i can tell you, i got table service. i ate eggs. i ate fresh, simple, detailed eggs. one of the places i ate such a meal was literally called egg! (shout out to egg in williamsburg. you have some amazing hash browns.)

i honestly just don’t get what point this article is trying to make. australian cafes are american brunch places, only they open earlier, because we’re not a brunch country.

that’s it.

though the real clue might be found here:

There is also the attitude: a sunny disposition so genuine it could disarm the most brusque New Yorker.

this is hilarious, because i’ve had some heated debates about the difference between australian and american customer service; number one being that we’re just not that enthusiastic. i have it on good authority that a certain global computer store runs the same training for its US and australian staff, and the australian trainers point out that some of it, “doesn’t really apply” here. and nowhere is the difference more obvious than going to an australian TGIFidays, where the staff behave much like their US counterparts. it’s scary. in a group full of people who’ve all been to the US, each of us noticed that it was weird.

basically i think the new york times is pulling everyone’s leg here. or the people running these joints are. could go either way.

also:

  • the beach is at least half an hour’s drive from the inner suburbs of melbourne, arguably the epicentre of this so-called trend. ain’t nobody going to the beach before they try to grab a table at auction rooms, i’ll tell you that much.
  • i don’t know what an avocado smash is. in fact, little collins nyc is on the first page of a google search.
  • A FLAT WHITE IS NOT A SMALL LATTE.



#ok I would disagree with the only-melburnians thing#having lived in sydney#and now living in canberra#i’m pretty sure it’s an aussie citydweller thing#that is just more widespread in melbourne#THAT SAID#hahaha#oh nytimes#you tried#watching anyone not australian try to talk about australia#is sometimes like reading those articles about fandom#written by people who haven’t the foggiest idea#what fandom actually entails#BUT ANYWAY#a flat white is not a small latte#is the important point here

1. It’s not just Melbourne, shmeh.
2. People who know about Australia do not know about Australian coffee. I have to explain this SOOOO MANY TIMES. Aaaaah.

Also, there are worse names for an expat cafe. There’s an Aus/NZ cafe in Soho, I hear, just called ‘Flat White’.

12 notes

cheeseandvegemite:

the new york times attempts to teach the world about australian’s obsession with breakfast

and i don’t even know where to begin!

New York is a city of immigrants and their unofficial embassies offering a taste of home: the French bistro, the English pub, the California juice bar.

Add to that list the Australian cafe. What started as an expedition a few years ago has become an invasion, with four cafes opening in New York since the fall: Little Collins (named for a street in Melbourne), Brunswick (also named for a street in Melbourne), Bluestone Lane (named for the paving stones on a street in Melbourne) and Two Hands (named for a Heath Ledger film). Another Brunswick location is to open next month. They join Toby’s Estate, an Australian company that opened a cafe in Brooklyn in 2012.

let me get this out of the way first: the people that named these cafes are douche bags. bluestone lane is fine, but the rest? wow. why not open a cafe called bushwick. oh. wait. let’s move on.

That Australians have anything to teach Americans about coffee culture may come as a surprise to casual drinkers. But those who nerd out on coffee know that Australia — Melbourne in particular — has a dynamic and professional coffee scene.

it’s a surprise to anyone who didn’t watch that time oprah came to australia. actually it might come as a surprise to them too, given the mccafe weirdness. but seriously, anyone who googles melbourne tourist attractions will find something mentioning melbourne’s coffee scene. tell me people don’t know anything about australia, sure, but don’t tell me people who do know about australia don’t know about our coffee scene.

we’re really proud of our coffee scene!

so it’s amusing to see a couple of hundred words distill a common theme from five cafes that are, the article seems to be implying, trying to distill a common theme from melbourne’s cafe scene.

and that’s where this article first goes awry. 

But those who nerd out on coffee know that Australia — Melbourne in particular — has a dynamic and professional coffee scene.

it’s not melbourne in particular. it’s melbourne, full stop.  australians love cafes. melburnians love coffee. but okay, let’s roll with that.

For one, the cafes offer table service, with a waiter bringing your drink. Then there is food, usually simple, fresh, satisfying egg dishes and salads with close attention paid to the details, just as it’s done in Australia.

table… service…? simple… fresh…?

friends, i’ve been to new york. i ate in a lot of places in new york. i ate breakfast in new york. i can tell you, i got table service. i ate eggs. i ate fresh, simple, detailed eggs. one of the places i ate such a meal was literally called egg! (shout out to egg in williamsburg. you have some amazing hash browns.)

i honestly just don’t get what point this article is trying to make. australian cafes are american brunch places, only they open earlier, because we’re not a brunch country.

that’s it.

though the real clue might be found here:

There is also the attitude: a sunny disposition so genuine it could disarm the most brusque New Yorker.

this is hilarious, because i’ve had some heated debates about the difference between australian and american customer service; number one being that we’re just not that enthusiastic. i have it on good authority that a certain global computer store runs the same training for its US and australian staff, and the australian trainers point out that some of it, “doesn’t really apply” here. and nowhere is the difference more obvious than going to an australian TGIFidays, where the staff behave much like their US counterparts. it’s scary. in a group full of people who’ve all been to the US, each of us noticed that it was weird.

basically i think the new york times is pulling everyone’s leg here. or the people running these joints are. could go either way.

also:

  • the beach is at least half an hour’s drive from the inner suburbs of melbourne, arguably the epicentre of this so-called trend. ain’t nobody going to the beach before they try to grab a table at auction rooms, i’ll tell you that much.
  • i don’t know what an avocado smash is. in fact, little collins nyc is on the first page of a google search.
  • A FLAT WHITE IS NOT A SMALL LATTE.



#ok I would disagree with the only-melburnians thing#having lived in sydney#and now living in canberra#i’m pretty sure it’s an aussie citydweller thing#that is just more widespread in melbourne#THAT SAID#hahaha#oh nytimes#you tried#watching anyone not australian try to talk about australia#is sometimes like reading those articles about fandom#written by people who haven’t the foggiest idea#what fandom actually entails#BUT ANYWAY#a flat white is not a small latte#is the important point here

1. It’s not just Melbourne, shmeh.
2. People who know about Australia do not know about Australian coffee. I have to explain this SOOOO MANY TIMES. Aaaaah.

(via fahye)

6 notes

ineptshieldmaid:

Anxiety dreams all night, of which the weirdest was that I dreamed I was having major hallucinations.

Then I dreamed that pasiphile had to comfort me and convince me of reality’s existence.

Oh hey, that only posted NOW? I wondered why I got no sympathy yesterday morning!

Still anxious but mostly when awake, now!

6 notes

Anxiety dreams all night, of which the weirdest was that I dreamed I was having major hallucinations.

Then I dreamed that pasiphile had to comfort me and convince me of reality’s existence.